I think I understand now.
We are all walking on a cloud made of fractured diamond.
At any moment, we could slip-
and destroy the glowing bonds around us.
Everything is so fragile,
tinkering to the sound of our beating hearts-
waiting for those thoughts to become the enemy.
In between the cracks, the darkness stirs below-
and we fear it.
Fear what will happen when our feet finally penetrate the threads holding us up.
We fear falling-
Shattering this shiny sphere.
And that's when I look up,
when my eyes break away from the abyss below.
That's when I realize-
I'm the only one standing here.
I don't know where you disappeared to,
but you left long ago.
All those times you never said what you should have-
and all the times you spoke words that shook the very lining we stood on-
all the times I fell in love-
and I know exactly why,
it's because I made them.
I made them.
I made them to cover up the pain-
to create the hallucination-
that you were still standing just where I left you.
and now as I stare at the crumbled glass where you once stood,
I feel the hollowness inside my heart.
The hollowness I've been feeling for so long.
And I remember,
remember how your lips traced the words: "I'm sorry-
it's to late."
My eyes well in tears,
my heart beats a sick, twisted, loping drum.
I don't want it to be true-
I don't want to acknowledge the absolute silence of this wretched place,
I want to forget it all-
Just as I always have.
I want to-
My eyes close, there are no more tears.
Not this time.
I want this to stop,
I want to leave.
(I have to leave.)
I want to leave this desolate place-
the place I've filled with the thoughts I wish you would have said-
the place where pain still fogs the air in a fresh ruby spray.
I created this,
So that I could still hold you against my heart-
but now it's over.
And so now...
And the world shatters in a wave of white wings.