Without You

I think I understand now.

We are all walking on a cloud made of fractured diamond.

At any moment, we could slip-

and destroy the glowing bonds around us.

Everything is so fragile,

tinkering to the sound of our beating hearts-

waiting for those thoughts to become the enemy.

In between the cracks, the darkness stirs below-

and we fear it.

Fear what will happen when our feet finally penetrate the threads holding us up.

We fear falling-

alone.

Shattering this shiny sphere. 

And that's when I look up,

when my eyes break away from the abyss below.

That's when I realize-

I'm the only one standing here.

I don't know where you disappeared to,

but you left long ago.

All those times you never said what you should have-

and all the times you spoke words that shook the very lining we stood on-

all the times I fell in love-

Were lies.

and I know exactly why,

it's because I made them.

I made them.

I made them to cover up the pain-

to create the hallucination-

that you were still standing just where I left you.

and now as I stare at the crumbled glass where you once stood,

I feel the hollowness inside my heart.

The hollowness I've been feeling for so long.

And I remember,

remember how your lips traced the words: "I'm sorry-

it's to late."

My eyes well in tears,

my heart beats a sick, twisted, loping drum.

I don't want it to be true-

I don't want to acknowledge the absolute silence of this wretched place,

I want to forget it all-

Just as I always have.

I want to-

...

No.

My eyes close, there are no more tears.

I can't.

Not this time.

I want this to stop,

(so badly),

I want to leave.

(I have to leave.)

I want to leave this desolate place-

the place I've filled with the thoughts I wish you would have said-

the place where pain still fogs the air in a fresh ruby spray.

I created this,

for you.

So that I could still hold you against my heart-

but now it's over.

And so now...

.........

I jump.

And the world shatters in a wave of white wings.