Sunday, March 27

Confessions of an INFJ

Sometimes I also feel like at times, I'm the smartest person in the room because I've already figured out the rest of the conversation and they're still clumsily blurting their replies but then other times people just start moving and I'm like, "Uh-oh, what happened, what do I do?":

To say people are my forte, would be odd from an observer's point of view. I conduct myself with a cool dispassion, bordering on contempt. I am outwardly friendly, but ultimately unreachable in an infinite number of ways. The question is, why? I confess this, only because I'm curious if my behaviors on this are shared. The truth of the matter is, is that within minutes of meeting someone I can see straight through them. I know their fears, their angers, their griefs, and pains. This may sound strange to just about everyone, but it's almost like I have a twisted intuition that goes beyond mortal means and behaves in a spooky, deeply intimate manner with humanity. I know when someone is lying. I can feel it. 
During an English class at a community college back at home we were asked to pair up with someone we'd never met before and write down our impressions and assumptions of him/her. I paired up with a blond girl, wearing a pink Disney shirt. Within a matter of minutes, I creepily lay bare her whole identify on my sheet of paper. Things like what her favorite color was, what her favorite movie was, that she was closer to her Dad than she was to her mom, what her fears were, what she loved to do, how she saw herself, and what her dreams were for the future. When I passed her my notes, she was rightly horrified (I hadn't realized we would be handing these to our victims). Her first reaction was to ask me how I knew so much about her, and the second was complete shock. I don't know exactly how I knew so much about her, I just felt it. 
This isn't the first time this has happened either. Interestingly enough though, I can't sense positive emotions. While I can tell someone is faking something right off the bat, I can't tell if someone is interested in me, and even, if they love me. I suppose every weird quirk has its limitations, right?
Yes, I am an INFJ. Due to the stereotype of our 'personalities' you may already be familiar with what I am about to express, but hear me out.
I feel so much. I think so much, about everything. Sometimes its hard to distinguish between reality, and what goes on in my head. Because of this, I'm very, very careful about who I let know me. It is almost impossible for me to truly love someone, until I'm 99% sure I can trust them. -and as expected, this whole Lyndsey deeply loving someone else doesn't happen very often. 
I mirror people. Their behaviors, and their actions. In a world that takes relationships less than seriously, I have had to learn to fit in. The real me, is a bleeding, raw emotional weirdo. I'm not normal! Far from it. The people I let into my life, are the people I'd swim alligator infested lakes to fetch mere lemonade for. I forgive them easily, however, when those people hurt me, I pull the famous INFJ door slam. 
People are my forte. They are puzzles I piece together, riddles I solve. While simultaneously hating the majority, I love the few. I am a bleeding, raw mess but despite the limitations of this I experience life anew in every moment. 

I suppose it's nice to say this sometimes. 
I love my weird, complicated, quirky self. 

#INFJ doorslam - it takes a lot to get there but when I'm there I'm done...I wish this wasn't the case though!:

13 comments :

  1. Well done, appreciate you sharing.

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    1. Thank you Martin, I appreciate you taking the time to comment!

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  2. Very accurate :) I am an INFJ as well, but I do not think I possess your level of ability to profile people. I spend a lot of time watching people. I always remember the vibes I get off them. I can tell when they're mad and pretending to be fine. I can tell a lot about the real person by watching them talk and remembering what they say and how. I have difficulty making friends because I can't seem to talk like they do. Like you, I've had to learn to blend in.
    I had never heard of the Door Slam before, but I have definitely done it before to people that stress me out.
    Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Glad to know that to some degree you can sympathize with me! Also, it's wonderful to meet another INFJ!
      I heard about it recently, and found it perfectly described what I do in most troubled relationships. Thanks for your comments BJ!

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  3. Lyndsey, it's so great to have you back! I had no idea you were blogging again until your comment! You shouldn't go off on hiatuses like that D: or at least warn before you go! Anyway, I'm glad you're still here and I look forward to seeing your updates regularly on my feed!
    Blogger buddy high five!
    As for the post, I haven't really taken the MyersBrigg test (if that's how it's spelled) but I kind of get what you're talking about in regards to the door slam. I don't really door slam, but I have this social meter of sorts and it runs out really fast (like maybe two hours of socializing), after which I just stop communicating with people and can't wait to go home and spend some time alone xD
    I should go take this test, shouldn't I...

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    1. I honestly started blogging again just yesterday! & I know.... I feel so bad, over the last year I kept thinking, "oh! I'll post soon!" and so with that in my head time just stretched and stretched until I seemingly vanished. I made a few posts, and published them! Only, paranoia had me deleting them. So, I have posted a few times, I've just not left them up for very long!
      You totally should! I'm curious to know what personality type you are. I can guess already that you're probably an introvert like me, that's exactly how I roll! Socializing wears me out fast. :/....
      Anyways, hows LIFE? I need to catch up on all of your blog posts!! What are you up to now days?

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  4. Hey Lyndsey! I don't know what to say. Just that I would have loved to meet you in person.

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    1. Thank you Adel! I'm sure I would have loved to meet you as well. :)

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  5. Lyndsey! Gosh I've missed your writing. This one was really interesting to read about; I've never actually heard of INFJ before reading this post, but after reading of what you described yourself of having, I can say that I've seen myself doing similar things. I think one huge thing that tributes to this ability is just being in a large environment of people; like a college campus. At Delta I've been able to pinpoint people, read people's "fake" emotions and responses as you were saying. I don't think I could label such things as you did for that one girl, but I have been known to usually guessing someone's intentions. (especially for all the guys in my one friends life; I can read a good guy from a bad easy peasy)

    Anyway, I've missed you dear friend! My I-pod is currently possessed and I have to take it in to get replaced or repaired, but as soon as it's done I'll have to start messaging you again! I miss our talks. Love you! -Madie

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    1. Madie, thank you so much! You should definitely take the test, I would love to know which personality type you are. It doesn't tell you everything, but there are a lot of cool insights that can be found from it! Glad I'm not the only one who has the 'sixth sense'!

      I miss you too! I am so close to being home, and we will definitely hang out! I miss our talks too, and I miss you!! Love you too. ^_^ Stay well!

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  6. Hello, Lyndsey! I have been following your blog and love the stuff that you write, so I have decided to nominate you for a Blogger Challenge. It is called the Quote of the Day Challenge. If you would like to participate, the instructions are on my own blog here: http://elsa-adollslifeforme.blogspot.com/

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You don't have to read these posts. Because of that, I ask that you are respectful when disagreeing with my opinions. I appreciate your support and comments, thank you!