White people probs *over exagerated*

I am white…

   Literally, I’m not even joking a bit here. My skin tone is as white as a silken cocoon, though sadly not as soft and lovely. People will hold their arms up to me all the time and compare the differences in our skin tones. (I usually win the whitest of them all award). The only people who have ever beaten my record are my younger sister and best friend who are a shade whiter than I am. You can’t imagine my joy when I found out I would no longer suffer my ‘white’ plight alone anymore.

   To make matters worse, I have dark brown hair, almost black, and sometimes it’s a reddish gold. You might be wondering what is wrong with that. Well, my arms are covered in the dark tuffs and since my skin is so pale the hair stands out like large carrots in a dish of lettuce. I call it my bear coat to get by when people like to point that out to me, like I don’t know right? I have an Asian friend who also has the bear coat problem, except she was so self-conscious about it that she got a machine, which shocked the hair out. I don’t really care about it that much, probably because I’m homeschooled and therefore don’t have the same pressures of being teased about it.

   Another problem that comes with fair skin is sunburns and freckles. I get sunburned so easily, I literally have to arm myself with sunscreen every time I walk outdoors on a sunny day. If I don’t, the consequences involve a pink roast Lyndsey. Very tasty. The freckles are a HUGE problem, because I HATE them. Those dark brown blotches on my pale skin are like beacons signaling the enemy freckles to move in. I HATE them. Luckily they mostly fade in the winter, but in the summer if I don’t have sunscreen on those little devils start creeping onto my face one-by-one.

   I love make up. I love how you can totally turn yourself into a new person if you know a few tricks and apply it just right. My biggest problem is walking into a store for foundation and finding they don’t have any shade light enough for me. (It’s a pain). I usually have to settle for something close and be careful about rubbing it in to look natural. It’s at its worst in the winter when I take on full vampire mode. (Add some dark red lipstick and I look like I’ve been busy drinking peoples blood.) Yeah, applying makeup can be hard in the winter when you have to use softer tones and lighter paints so that it doesn’t stick out too much. Trust me, smearing dark rouge across your eyelids could make you look like some Goth ghost.

   Now that I’ve disclosed all of these problems you hopefully see the challenges white people have to deal with. It’s not all that bad though, I mean snow white pulled it off right? Depends on which version your thinking about.