Goodbye.

This feeling
cramping in my stomach.
An emotion so strong
I feel sick.
I can't focus on what matters,
because I'm so focused on things I can't change.
On the verge of tears,
and yet they wont come.
Empty.
A shell.

Pushed away so hard,
that now it feels like I lost.
Isolation.

never stopped me before.
It doesn't scare me.
Fear.
For what they can do.
Fear,
for what I could do myself.

Streangth is everything I have,
when everyone else is falling apart.
But when Im the one losing it,
they wont see.

Why are these mortal bodies so fragile?
How easy it is to destroy them.
How easy it is to surender,
to those who want to ruin you.
Its so easy,
and yet what could be worse?

Favorite place~My Room

Safety…Home… No matter how many places I visit, or how many sights I see, nothing has been a refuge as my room has. Its walls are colored in brownish tan hues, with a clean blank ceiling finishing them off at the top. Those walls surround me in a cocoon of peace where no one can penetrate. This is the place where I grew up… Its floors have caught my tears, its walls have shared my laughter, its ceiling has held my empty stare. I spend my days here, toiling away with school, devolving my talents, talking with friends, sleeping, writing, reading… I have done it all here. It is the one place I can call mine; it’s the one place I can call home.

     Many of my friends have compared my room to Bella Swan’s from ‘Twilight’ by Stephanie Myers. In other words, my room reflects my personality. I love dark things; I find them so deep and beautiful. My room has a theme of black, white, and silver, which makes it look more somber and perhaps, more down to earth. I have three different quotes on my wall, which I made with vinyl and a circuit. They say: “Time. What was once your life is now your legend.” “Fantasy. Never laugh at live dragons.” and “Life. Everything you can imagine is real.”

   My bedspread depicts a scene of a black forest, intertwined with a white background. I have at least five pillows crammed onto the small twin bed, with a silky black material clothing the bottom of it; hiding the stands underneath as well as the items I have tucked away there.

   I obsess over fantasy constantly, as well as books, writing, art and medieval stories. My walls are lined with colorful, as well as dark pictures of fantasy universes, dragon and Chinese swords, gothic art (though I’m not gothic, I promise), as well as a few of my own drawings.

   There is a black desk in the corner where I keep my laptop, a lamp, and a large, green, plant. I’m usually sitting at that desk on most days, writing on various projects, or else doing school work, or sometimes watching shows while I knit.

   I’ve really worked on my closet, and even though it’s small I’ve managed to put it to good use. I’ve built racks in the corner where I keep fabric buckets full of my pajamas, and school work. Though this does sound like a brilliant idea, one big drawback is that It’s a hassle to get in there because I have to push aside clothes, and avoid knocking down hangers just to get to my pajamas each night. I don’t really have a whole lot of clothes (which I’m constantly reminded of by everyone who looks in there), but with the small amount of space in my closet it still hinders me as I try to get to that built in area.

   I am really into fashion. The only reason I don’t have piles and piles of clothes is because me and my family don’t have money jumping out our ears. I pay for everything I need myself, so to me there isn’t a whole lot of need for clothes when I have to think about getting myself through collage. I make up for it though by designing things graphically on the computer as well as drawing my own dress designs on paper using little wooden models as a visual aid.

   I have a mirror on my closet that I got at target for a really good price. I get ready at my closet door every morning, setting my makeup box on the floor and using the mirror to see what I am doing. One of my best friends is going to be a cosmetologist, and so she’s going to use me as a practice doll and do my makeup occasionally which is so nice! (Getting ready is sometimes such a hassle.)

   You can usually find smells like perfume, cleaning supplies, fresh air, or moms cooking in my room. I’m right above the kitchen so I can always smell whatever is going on down stairs. Occasionally to my utter horror, the foul smell of unwashed brother will sneak into my room from across the hallway. I’ll usually just tell him to take a shower then close his door, while closing mine and opening my window.

   My room is my favorite place in the world. The only other place that can compete with it is the library or nature. I’m so lucky to not have to share my room with anyone anymore. I’m able to stay up until the wee hours of the morning reading by the light of my lamp, or else blast music through my speakers at odd intervals throughout the day. The one thing that will always hold my heart is this place. It’s the one place I can truly feel at peace.

Artemis Fowl

"I want you to know, my dear friend,

that I am the person I am today because of you.

I was a broken boy, and you fixed me.

Thank you."

~Artemis Fowl to Holly Short (The Last Guardian)

Mark Twain

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
― Mark Twain

Petal in the wind

I feel like a petal in the wind.
Soaring away from the flower,
flying high into the blinding sun.

I'm strong,
and yet im so easily torn.
I'm beautiful,
and yet so easily put down.

I toss and turn through the wind,
trying to find my way through the strange and unfamiliar world around me.
The sun turns to rain,
and I lose my hight.

Now im on the ground,
looking up.
How did I get so far,
and fall so hard.