*Update
So, I've had quite a few questions about the meaning of this poem from various readers. I decided this morning that I would just clear it all up with a explanation of what I was thinking of when I wrote this. The nice thing about poetry however, is that it doesn't always have to mean the same thing to everyone. So if you thought it had a different meaning, then don't let my explanation deter your own conclusion.
To start with, the poem is really set more on an emotional level than a literal one. In the first verse the speaker states,
"it's through your eyes,
that I unveil the monster."
Perhaps the speaker's doubts are fed to her through the man in question? Hence, when she looks into his eyes, she sees what she most hates within herself.
The next two verses depict a ruined city, which is actually a deeper perspective into the man's eyes. We see that the speaker is not the man's only victim,
"a war ground splayed in corpses,
all piled around your feet."
This begs us to ask the question, what war are we fighting then? Perhaps one of courage and fear, or love and hatred. As we see from the following lines, both subjects have fallen from the stars. We can either assume they are fallen angels, or that both have descended from humanity. In essence, both of them represent different emotions. The speaker, love; and the man, hate.
"My hand reaching for yours,
then falling back beside my waist."
The war between the two escalates within verse six. Not only now is the war between the two injuring those around them, but the speaker is beginning to realize that the man's hold over her heart, is beginning to tear their worlds apart.
In the second to last verse the line,
"and rivers made of our tears,"
is a very crucial part of the poem. It shows that despite all the hardship and pain the two have waded through, their tears will now be the only reminder of each other. The speaker has made the decision to have courage, which will leave all of this behind as only a memory.
The last line finishes this idea off with,
"we will become something more than our fears."
This is a goodbye. A final battle cry before the white flag is waved, and they go their separate ways. The speaker is leaving her self hatred, which has become everything the man stands for to her. She has decided to leave the war of hate, and have courage to love herself.
Beautiful poem, Lyndsey - terrifying and evocative. I envision a world in the midst of some catastrophic, perhaps apocalyptic event, and two fallen angels joining at the moment before everything comes to an end. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple places where I would recommend trimming verbiage. I think "silk textile" would be better as just "silk." Textile is assumed, and sounds like something from a manifest or economics report than a poem.
In the line "like geysers shooting toward the heavens" I recommend getting ride of "like." You don't need to explicitly identify similes in a poem - the use of figurative speech is intrinsic, and will be understood by the reader with explanation.
Anyway, thanks for an excellent read.
Thank you very much, I appreciate you're advice and critique! I will very much take them to heart in editing, it's always nice to get constructive feedback as to where I can improve in my writing.
DeleteThank you again!
Oops, that is, "without explanation" (in my latter suggestion)
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful, I also like how you designed it in the photo. Paul has some interesting pointers. The one about silk textile I understand, but not so much about the "like". "Like" is describing how the fires leap to life, yes? It appears to me, if you take the descriptive pointer away "geysers shooting toward the heavens" simply becomes another literal action rather than another line further describing the preceding action. Just my two cents. I think it's so hard to critique poetry (especially if it's already good anyway). So subjective.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you Pixie. Though, for both accounts I've looked over in detail and have just decided that I like them how they are. Though textile may be an unnecessary addition, I was going more for word fluency than actual meaning within those few lines. Thank you both though, for your generous critiques, they are very much appreciated! I agree with you on the 'like' too, it creates more of a definition to the standing metaphor.
DeleteThank you for your thoughts, and 'two cents'! I so admire your poetry, it really is amazing to hear from you on mine! :D
Thank you again!
Hi L, my name is Eric and I found your work on goodreads. I write tons of poems on Wattpad, under the name grieferic.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, Uprising is well-written, lots of imagery that is evoked from your skillful artistic word play. For me, I like to get to the point often so with that being said, consider reorganizing your poem or add a line or more at the outset to explain to your reader "Why Uprising?"
For example: Level playing field of ruined dreams; fallen from heights on broken wings; we gathered our clan to right the past wrongs; join forces until we are strong.
Thank you Eric! I appreciate it. Actually, I've had quite a few questions about the meaning of this poem, so much so that I'm now adding an explanation of the poem to help people figure it out. I'd love to hear your opinion on the poem after I've finished with it!
DeleteThank you again for the comment, I would love to check out your work! I sadly don't have a wattpad, but I'll see If I can find you without one.