tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9188240272548637827.post7924944851705551583..comments2023-09-17T02:12:25.334-07:00Comments on A Writers Thoughts: UprisingNesrynhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17278732487523950283noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9188240272548637827.post-72435707174210923582014-03-28T08:07:29.290-07:002014-03-28T08:07:29.290-07:00Thank you Eric! I appreciate it. Actually, I'v...Thank you Eric! I appreciate it. Actually, I've had quite a few questions about the meaning of this poem, so much so that I'm now adding an explanation of the poem to help people figure it out. I'd love to hear your opinion on the poem after I've finished with it! <br />Thank you again for the comment, I would love to check out your work! I sadly don't have a wattpad, but I'll see If I can find you without one.<br />Nesrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17278732487523950283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9188240272548637827.post-70491399457652894632014-03-28T06:38:13.361-07:002014-03-28T06:38:13.361-07:00Hi L, my name is Eric and I found your work on goo...Hi L, my name is Eric and I found your work on goodreads. I write tons of poems on Wattpad, under the name grieferic.<br />Anyways, Uprising is well-written, lots of imagery that is evoked from your skillful artistic word play. For me, I like to get to the point often so with that being said, consider reorganizing your poem or add a line or more at the outset to explain to your reader "Why Uprising?"<br />For example: Level playing field of ruined dreams; fallen from heights on broken wings; we gathered our clan to right the past wrongs; join forces until we are strong.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05514176932442577259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9188240272548637827.post-86802613734492069322014-03-19T09:40:09.026-07:002014-03-19T09:40:09.026-07:00I have to agree with you Pixie. Though, for both a...I have to agree with you Pixie. Though, for both accounts I've looked over in detail and have just decided that I like them how they are. Though textile may be an unnecessary addition, I was going more for word fluency than actual meaning within those few lines. Thank you both though, for your generous critiques, they are very much appreciated! I agree with you on the 'like' too, it creates more of a definition to the standing metaphor. <br />Thank you for your thoughts, and 'two cents'! I so admire your poetry, it really is amazing to hear from you on mine! :D<br />Thank you again!<br />Nesrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17278732487523950283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9188240272548637827.post-29297325451703290712014-03-17T23:05:21.441-07:002014-03-17T23:05:21.441-07:00This is beautiful, I also like how you designed it...This is beautiful, I also like how you designed it in the photo. Paul has some interesting pointers. The one about silk textile I understand, but not so much about the "like". "Like" is describing how the fires leap to life, yes? It appears to me, if you take the descriptive pointer away "geysers shooting toward the heavens" simply becomes another literal action rather than another line further describing the preceding action. Just my two cents. I think it's so hard to critique poetry (especially if it's already good anyway). So subjective.ThePixiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10645593914098229459noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9188240272548637827.post-19876220987598719592014-03-16T17:33:17.737-07:002014-03-16T17:33:17.737-07:00Thank you very much, I appreciate you're advic...Thank you very much, I appreciate you're advice and critique! I will very much take them to heart in editing, it's always nice to get constructive feedback as to where I can improve in my writing. <br />Thank you again!Nesrynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17278732487523950283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9188240272548637827.post-30286092902781536722014-03-16T17:03:19.228-07:002014-03-16T17:03:19.228-07:00Oops, that is, "without explanation" (in...Oops, that is, "without explanation" (in my latter suggestion)Paul Tothhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10635691363136749723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9188240272548637827.post-13686986646368055072014-03-16T17:02:40.177-07:002014-03-16T17:02:40.177-07:00Beautiful poem, Lyndsey - terrifying and evocative...Beautiful poem, Lyndsey - terrifying and evocative. I envision a world in the midst of some catastrophic, perhaps apocalyptic event, and two fallen angels joining at the moment before everything comes to an end. Very nice.<br /><br />There are a couple places where I would recommend trimming verbiage. I think "silk textile" would be better as just "silk." Textile is assumed, and sounds like something from a manifest or economics report than a poem.<br /><br />In the line "like geysers shooting toward the heavens" I recommend getting ride of "like." You don't need to explicitly identify similes in a poem - the use of figurative speech is intrinsic, and will be understood by the reader with explanation.<br /><br />Anyway, thanks for an excellent read.Paul Tothhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10635691363136749723noreply@blogger.com